


My Eyes—A Songfic

by punch_you_with_friendship



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Broken Friendship, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Logan Sanders - Freeform, M/M, Patton Sanders - Freeform, Pining, Rejection, Roman Sanders - Freeform, Some fluff if you squint, Songfic, Tears, Virgil Sanders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 08:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13830672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punch_you_with_friendship/pseuds/punch_you_with_friendship
Summary: Two months ago, Logan made a grave mistake. Now he must watch as Patton moves on.





	My Eyes—A Songfic

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song "My Eyes" from Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog.  
> Warnings: implied anxiety, panic attack mention

**Any dolt with half a brain  
**

**Can see that humankind has gone insane**

**To the point where I don’t know**

**If I’ll upset the status quo**

**If I throw poison in the water main**  
  
Logan slammed his book shut. Why wasn’t this working?

Whenever Logan felt frustrated, he picked up a book and read. That was his favorite coping mechanism, and it had been ever since he had formed. The other sides knew it too. But now? It was only making him more frustrated. Every time he turned a page, he wanted to rip the page out of the book and throw it across the room. Which was terribly illogical—what would be the point of destroying a book?

Perhaps it would release some pent-up aggression.

Logan shook his head. What was going on with him? He usually loved books. But then again, he’d never needed a reason to love books before today. It had simply been a constant, another item in a list of facts that everyone accepted—Logan loves books. But why? What was the purpose of reading if you couldn’t do anything with what you learned? Sure, knowledge was an invaluable treasure, the ultimate tool. For a human. But Logan was a side, trapped in a place that only halfway existed. He could read whatever he chose to, learn about anything he wished, but what could he do with the information he learned? Nothing.

And besides, he knew that reading was only distracting him from what he really wanted to think about.

**Listen close to everybody’s heart**

**And hear that breaking sound**

Logan looked up from his closed book to see Virgil sitting on the couch opposite him, staring at it. Virgil’s headphones were on, blaring music so loudly that Logan could almost make out the words from across the room.

Logan frowned at Virgil until he had his attention, pointing at his own ears and indicating that Virgil should turn down the volume. Music that loud could cause hearing loss. But when Virgil met Logan’s gaze, his eyes were shining with barely restrained tears. He shook his head slowly.

That was odd. Why would Virgil want to risk his ability to hear? And why did he look so upset?

Then Logan realized that it wasn’t just Virgil’s music he was hearing.

“It really sounded amazing, Ro!” Patton’s voice, coming from the kitchen. Logan flinched.

“Patton, I sang that song over an hour ago. And that hour was filled with magic and much more exciting things than a silly song.” Roman’s rumbling laughter filled the area.

“But I loved it! I could talk about how good it was for hours!”

“Well, seeing as you practically already have—”

“You could say I’m pretty _vocal_ about it!”

“…Oh dear.” Roman said, prompting a giggle from Patton. Logan’s heart clenched.

“Go away, go away, go away,” Virgil whispered, eyes shut tight. Logan understood the loud music now—in fact, he was about ready to grab a pair of headphones and blast some Pink Floyd himself. Hearing loss would be a blessing.

**Hopes and dreams are shattering apart**

**And crashing to the ground**  
  
“Goodness, you’re amazing. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be your boyfriend—I wasted way too much time dreaming about it!” Patton said. The words were like a spear through Logan’s heart.

“ _You_ wasted time dreaming? I’m the fanciful side! I spent hours planning our wedding, dates, a honeymoon, and especially my confession! I had a magnificent spectacle all mapped out and I didn’t even use it! It was a little pathetic, to be honest…” Roman trailed off, embarrassed. 

“Now, don’t you dare say that, you are absolutely perfect! _And I love you!_ ” Patton squealed, running across the kitchen.

“Oof! Patton, that’s—ow, wait, no—ah!” The sound of two bodies collapsing onto the tile floor filled the mind palace. The right-brained sides laughed. The left-brained sides grimaced.

“Sorry! Got a little excited!” Patton said sheepishly. Roman couldn’t respond through his glee.

There was something dreadful taking over Logan, squeezing his heart with a clawed hand. Logan locked eyes with Virgil again, who was trembling violently, hands white-knuckled around his phone. He looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack.  
  
**I cannot believe my eyes**

 **How the world’s filled with filth and lies**  
  
Logan stood up and moved to sit on the couch, placing a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil jumped.

“Perhaps we should relocate to my room. The antics going on in the kitchen are upsetting both of us,” Logan suggested grimly. 

Virgil stared at the logical side, eyes terrified. When he finally nodded, Logan set his jaw. His hand covered Virgil’s shoulder.

“It’s quite alright, my beating heart,” Roman chuckled as Logan and Virgil sank out in unison.

When they reappeared in Logan’s room, Logan was startled but not surprised to watch Virgil collapse on the floor immediately, tugging at his own hair.

“I still can’t believe… They… They really got together.” Virgil said faintly. Logan sighed.

“I know, Virgil. They did.”

“Do… They don’t know.”

“That’s correct. Unless I’ve made a miscalculation somewhere, neither of them know.”

“I can’t… I can’t live with that.”

“We are clearly being forced to.” Logan walked away from the anxious side to sit down on his version of Thomas’s couch.  
  
**But it’s plain to see**

**Evil inside of me**

**Is on the rise**

“I know what you must thinking right now, Virgil,” Logan glared at his folded hands. “This will be difficult for the both of us. But at least you can be glad that you do not have _my_ dilemma.”

Virgil looked up, makeup running down his cheeks. “W-What does that mean… Wait…” Virgil knit his brow. “Didn’t you and Patton had a fight a while ago?

“Yes, two months ago to be exact. It’s what I was referencing.”

“P-Patton never told me what that was about.”

Logan was struggling to keep up a mask of indifference. “It happened when he tried to confess…  To express his adoration for me.”

Virgil did a double take. “His… His what? He liked you?” Logan nodded. “Then why—”

“I renounced him.”

“Oh.” Virgil quickly looked away from Logan, as if the sight would burn his eyes.

“He chose a bad time; I was in a bleak mood. I had surmised that there was something sinfully wrong with Logic being able to feel, to love. I had far too much self-hatred bottled up inside me, which I took out on Patton and… And now I’ll never obtain his affections again.”

Virgil was staring at the floor in shock. “I-I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be.” Virgil looked up at Logan in dismay. “I should be sorry. My defective emotions are the reason we’ve lost our chances with Roman and Patton,” Logan insisted. He gripped his knees, fury wracking his face. “ _I brought this upon us_ , Virgil. And I’ll never be relieved of it.”  
  
**Look around**

 **We’re living with the lost and found**  
  
“At least let me help you up.” Patton struggled to get out from underneath Roman’s body.

“Patton, I am the gentleman of this relationship, let _me_ help _you_ up!”  

“But I’m the one that pulled us to the floor in the first place!”

“And I’m the one that must get us off of it.” Roman hoisted himself off of a protesting Patton and up onto one knee.

“But that’s not—whoa!” Patton exclaimed as he was suddenly lifted up into Roman’s arms, held bridal-style. He suppressed a giggle. “Hey, I can get up on my own!”

Roman huffed. “Well, in that case…” He slowly began lowering Patton to the floor again.

“No, no, don’t do that!” Patton squealed, fiercely hugging Roman’s shoulders in protest.

“That’s what I thought.”

“You silly goose!” 

“I am a prince, if you please.” Roman smiled down at the man in his arms, who beamed back.

**Just when you feel you’ve almost drowned**

**You find yourself on solid ground**

Roman began to walk toward the stairs. The steady rocking of his body, the sound of his heartbeat, the way he held Patton like he was holding the most precious thing on Earth… Patton snuggled into his boyfriend’s chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this content. After weeks of loneliness, it was nice to be appreciated. Safe. Protected.

What a word. Patton, as a self-proclaimed dad, was the type to do the protecting, not the other way around. He had always been confident, never needing someone to come to his rescue. But every foundation must crumble. And two months ago, Patton himself had been the one to crumble.

Being rejected by Logan was the worst thing he’d ever had to go through. None of Thomas’s scornful crushes or failed friendships compared to it. Logan hadn’t just turned Patton down—he’d forgone the entire concept of love and reduced Patton’s feelings to shambles. Unlike any heartbreak that had come before, it was Patton that was being attacked, not Thomas. And it was life-shattering.

Someone had had to fix him. And Roman had stepped in to do it. He’d saved Patton from the dark.

Logan’s words still rang in Patton’s ears from time to time. But despite it all, Patton was an optimist. A stupid, stupid optimist. He wanted to help Logan be better.

**And you believe there’s good in everybody’s heart**

**Keep it safe and sound**

**With hope you can do your part**

**And turn a life around**

If only he could talk to Logan without remembering his pain.

“Are you okay?” Roman asked. He must have noticed the tormented look on Patton’s face, because he’d stopped walking, gazing down at his boyfriend with concern. Patton looked up to meet Roman’s warm eyes.

“Yeah. Just thinking.” Patton took Roman’s sash in his hand, rubbing the fabric between his fingers absentmindedly.

“Best leave that to Logan.”

Patton tensed up like a coiled spring, and Roman realized what he’d just said. “Wait, no, that’s not what I—shoot. Patton, I’m sorry. You were thinking about what he said, weren’t you?”

“Mhm.”

Roman shut his eyes guiltily. “Look, I… I won’t mention him if you don’t want me to, it can be just you and me—”

“No, I should talk about it.” Patton sighed. “I know I’ve told you this before, and I know he hurt me so badly but… I refuse to believe Logan hates me. He just doesn’t understand love like I do. Like we do.” He clenched his first around the sash. “I bet he could learn if he wanted to, if he just… Tried…” The lump in Patton’s throat threatened to choke him.

“Patton, love, it’s okay. I’m here.” Roman nudged the door to his room open and carried Patton to the four-poster bed, where he gently laid his lover down. Patton took a shuddering breath, and as the tears began to form, Roman crawled up onto the bed to lay beside him.

**I cannot believe my eyes**

**Is the world finally growing wise?**

Patton sobbed into Roman’s chest, and Roman wrapped his strong arms around him.

“I-It’s been two months—”

“Shh.” Roman ran one hand through Patton’s hair rhythmically.

“I-I can help him, I sh-should be the one to… To help him… B-But I still can’t face him.”

“You don’t need to do anything. You’ve done so well already.” The covers had been balled up beneath them, but neither side noticed, completely immersed in each other.

“B-But he’s the logical side. And I’m th-the heart. We work together. He doesn’t deserve to be avoided, he didn’t mean to hurt me!”

“Then why do you think you’re so upset, love?”

Patton sobbed harder. “Because I’m… An idiot, is what I am.”

“You’re anything but. Oh, what’s that thing Joan always says… ‘No Stupid Feelings’?” Patton’s tears dripped onto the rumpled-up quilt.

**‘Cause it seems to me**

**Some kind of harmony**

**Is on the rise**

“I-I just need to help him.”

Roman gave Patton a smile like sunshine peeking through clouds. “You have what they call a heart of gold, you know? Still wanting to teach Logan about love after how he burned you.” Patton’s tearstained cheeks dimpled with his smile, and Roman chuckled despite himself. “Or I suppose in this case you _are_ a heart of gold.”

The two sides giggled faintly, their eyes sparkling in the light of Roman’s dim fairy lights. Roman brushed another of Patton’s tears away with his thumb. How did Patton get this lucky?

“I love you so much it hurts, Patton. You mean more to me than anything.”

Patton curled up against Roman, listening to his steady heartbeat. There was so much caring in that heart. So much. And he was choosing to share it with Patton.

“Even more than Disney?” Patton murmured, grinning into Roman’s chest.

Roman laughed, and held Patton closer. “Far more.”

The two lovers’ hearts warmed in unison.

**Anyone with half a brain**

**Could spend their whole life howling in pain**

**The dark is everywhere**

**And Patton doesn’t seem to care**

**That soon the dark in me is all that will remain**

After Virgil had calmed down enough to return to his own room, Logan spent at least an hour pacing a hole in the floor, running his hands through his hair. Why had he denied for so long that he was a creature with feelings? Sure, they were halfhearted feelings, not as intense as the others’, but they still existed. Ignoring them, demonizing them like he had done was a purely illogical thing to do. It had utterly wrecked his chances with Patton. Or frankly, their relationship in general—Patton still avoided his eyes, a sign of emotional torment! Denying the facts, such as the fact that Logan had emotions, was supposed to be the opposite of Logan’s job. He was the embodiment of Thomas’s logic! How had he made such an oversight?!

Logan wanted, desperately, to stop. The only thing he was accomplishing right now was stressing himself out. But he just kept thinking, turning his brain into a swirling mess of self-punishment. What was wrong with him?! This didn’t make any sense!

He needed to calm down. Now. What calmed Logan down? Books? No, the thought of reading sounded about as appealing as being stabbed in the head with Roman’s sword. What else calmed him down? Perhaps… Water? Yes, Logan could use a glass of water. He sunk out of his room.

**Take it slow**

**He looks at me and seems to know**

**The things that I’m afraid to show**

**And suddenly I feel this glow**

An hour later, Roman and Patton were watching Disney movies in Roman’s room—Winnie the Pooh, to be exact. Patton’s head was in Roman’s lap, and Roman was carding his fingers through his hair. Patton was completely relaxed, relaxed enough to fall asleep, but he refused to do so. He wanted to enjoy the feeling of being touched by Roman while fully conscious. And hey, the movie was his favorite.

His bout of crying from earlier had been forgotten. Right now, Patton was was simply trying to enjoy his good mood while he had it, before it gave in to sorrow once more. And it was easy to do so—the bliss of being with his boyfriend eclipsed all else.

“Hey, Ro,” he whispered.

“Hmm?”

“What time is it?”

Roman checked the Cogsworth clock on his bedside table. “10:24.”

“Good, the others won’t be asleep yet. I wanna make some popcorn,” Patton said. He patted his stomach with a cheeky grin.

“Of course. Foolish Roman, why didn’t I think of that sooner?”

“I’ll go microwave some. Pause the movie for me?” Patton sat up slowly, stretching his arms.

“Sure. Would you rather I get it?”

“Nah, I can handle it.” He slid off the bed and stood, adjusting the sleeves of his hoodie. “I am a _Pop_ , after all.”

“Ugh, and a _corny_ Pop too. Is there any winning here?” Roman groaned as Patton sunk out.

**Listen close to everybody’s heart**

**And hear that breaking sound**

**Hopes and dreams are shattering apart**

**And crashing to the ground**

Where was it, where was it, where was—here! Logan reached into the cupboard and pulled out his favorite cup, the heat sensitive one. As he filled it up, the plastic turned from white to blue.

After hours of thinking about Patton obsessively, his brain was utterly fried—a shocking thing to say, considering that he practically was a brain. He almost feared that he’d think himself to death, at the rate he was going.

His cup topped off, and he took a sip, eyes closed. When he opened them, he spotted Patton’s favorite mug sitting on the counter, hot cocoa powder stuck to the bottom.

Oh, who was he kidding? Patton would never forgive him. He didn’t deserve forgiveness. And it hardly mattered what Patton thought of him, for he was dating Roman now—any chance Logan ever had at a romantic relationship were out the window.

He’d be better off just pretending that everything was fine. He had been doing that for two months, anyway.

“Oh. Hi, Logan.” He jumped like a sprung mousetrap.

Patton was behind him.

**And I believe there’s good in everybody’s heart**

**Keep it safe and sound**

**With hope you can do your part**

**And turn a life around**

Patton reappeared in the hallway, humming the tune of ‘Winnie the Pooh’ merrily. How much butter did Roman like on his popcorn? He had forgotten to ask. But when he reached the doorway to the kitchen, all thoughts of popcorn left his mind.

Logan. Standing by the kitchen counter. Sipping from his favorite cup. For a moment, he simply stood there, staring at the logical side, his mind completely blank. Then he stepped back into the hallway, hoping desperately that Logan hadn’t heard his humming.

What was he supposed to say? This was the first time he’d seen Logan since getting together with Roman! Should he just go back to Roman’s room? He probably should. Roman would understand. He began to sink out.

And stopped himself.

Why was he letting Logan dictate his life? It had been two months since the fight! He’d talked to Logan several times since—stiffly, sure, but they’d still talked. And he was going to have to do so again many times more. He ought not delay the inevitable. And wasn’t he going to try to help Logan? How could he do that by avoiding him?

He took a deep breath. This was okay. He was okay.

He stepped into the kitchen.

“Oh. Hi, Logan.”

**I cannot believe my eyes**

“H-Hello. Patton.”

“…”

“You’re up late tonight.”

“It’s only 10:30.”

“Ahem. Right.”

“…”

**How the world’s filled with filth and lies**

“What are you cooking?”

“Oh, you know. Good ‘ol movie night popcorn.”

“Movie night? With whom? Roman?”

“Er. Yeah.”

**How the world’s finally growing wise**

“How are things? With Roman?”

“Oh, they’re great. He’s amazing, he’s really helped me back on my feet.”

“I see.”

“Wait, I mean… I mean… Yeah.”

**And it’s plain to see**

**And it’s plain to see**

“Look… About Roman?”

“Uh, y-yeah?”

“I am… Well… I was just going to say, to ask… Er.

“What’s that, Teach?”

“Could you just… Remind him to adhere to the schedule I laid out for him?”

“Oh. I mean, sure.”

“Great. Thank you.”

**Evil inside of me**

“Um, that reminds me…”

“Yes, Patton?”

“I wanted to talk to you about, uh, something…”

“A-About what?”

“Oh, j-just about… The next video! Roman wanted to ask you about some technical thing.”

“Oh. Ah. Of course. I will bring it up next time I see him.”

**Rapture inside of me**

“Well, looks like the popcorn is done!”

“It does appear to be.”

“I guess I’ll… See you tomorrow?”

“Yes. Tomorrow.”

“Bye…”

“Goodbye.”

**Is on the rise**

When the painful conversation was finally over, both sides facepalmed, angry with themselves. They had chickened out on saying what they had meant to, and they felt… Lost. How would things ever be healed?

Patton was comforted by a boyfriend who loved him. With Disney music playing in the background, the two formed a plan to talk to Logan properly, and Patton fell asleep feeling confident once more.

Logan did something he never did—cried. He returned to his room, and sobbed until he fell asleep, glasses still on and tie still tightened. No one was there to wipe away his tears.

Patton would be okay.

Logan would never be okay again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This one was a monster to write.  
> Hit me up on tumblr—@punch-you-with-friendship


End file.
